Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
