spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
