high people should be assigned attendants
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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