Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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