i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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