I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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