i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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