standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
