Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
