i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
