if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
