I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
