I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
