took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
