so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
