Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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