Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
