morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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