You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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