Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
