Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
