I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
