I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
