I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
