im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
