my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
