We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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