If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
