dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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