i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
