Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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