nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
