Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
