You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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