Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
