yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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