What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
