Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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