Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do cheetos always look like penises
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
