**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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