she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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