My nipple is on Facebook.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
