he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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