There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
