just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
