This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
