hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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