wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
