Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
