i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
